Unsent
Have you ever had things you wanted to say to someone, but you just couldn’t because it would be too awful to actually look them in the eyes and say the things you needed to say? I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately.
For instance…
I wish I could tell Mark that I miss him so much sometimes, I feel like exploding into wild fits of uncontrollable crying. The kind that comes with wailing and rending of garments. He was awesome and exactly what I needed for the time he was in my life.
I would tell Josh how sorry I am that I sent him away. He once told me that the people who will have the biggest impact on our lives are the ones who come along when we least expect them. He was my caretaker, my friend, my lover, and the gentlest soul I’ve ever known.
I would curse Jonah for being such a selfish and heartless bastard for doing the things he did to me. He was willing to throw me away and let me rot 3,000 miles away while he got to resume a life that may have been good for him, but so very damaging for everyone else. Yes, his place at the top of my shit list will be secure for a very very very long time.
I’d give anything to tell Patrick that I loved him when I had the chance, even if he couldn’t have returned my feelings.
I would tell Darla and Jeri that while they got plenty for their trouble, I am still paying for their individual betrayals. Yes, there is a very special place in hell for people like them. I hope they burn and I hope it hurts.
I would assure him that I never told anyone what he did to me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t. My advice would be to stay far far away.
I would call up Richard, just to see how he’s doing.
I would ask Andy for his forgiveness. I just know my heart was in the right place, it’s my brain that was unaccounted for.
Lastly, I would tell Hayden that I hope he’s healthy, happy, and doing well in his life. There are times I wish I knew where he was and what he was doing, and other times I’m glad I don’t. I look forward to a time in the future when I can (hopefully) see him again and catch up over coffee or something.