Best Laid Plans
A few days ago, I got an e-mail from my friend Ted, letting me know that he and his boyfriend were having a casual and low key garden party on the 16th for St. Patrick’s Day, and they wanted to know if I’d like to come.
Let me catch everybody up here.
Ted and I started out as friends last summer and slowly our hanging out evolved into something that resembled dating. I allowed it to go on for a tad longer than I should have, and eventually broke up with him, because, to make this as simple as possible, it wasn’t the right time.
Ted moved on.
Then, after everything fell apart with the guy from Canada last December, my friend Howie decided to set me up with Ben, a recently-out guy that he knew I would hit it off with famously.
Ben is the guy I blogged about here.
Then I let Ben go because, despite Howie’s excellent matchmaking skills, I came to realize that he and I as a couple weren’t what either of us needed. He needed someone stable, and I needed a rebound guy.
However, because Ben is a great guy, and because Ted is a great guy, I decided to set them up with each other.
Shortly after the setup, I got matching e-mails from them, gushing about the other, and thanking me for introducing them.
So, I sat here, eying the e-mail from Ted, knowing that by “my boyfriend and I” he was talking about himself and Ben, and I wondered, just how big a masochist do I feel like today? I mean, after all, I’m recently single and lonely, being invited to a party given by two awesome guys I not only let go of, but pushed into each other’s arms.
“Sounds like fun,” was all I said in my reply.
Never one to tempt a train wreck without someone there to pull me off the tracks at the very last second, I invited Howie to come along.
When we arrived, the first thing I noticed was the distinctly “grown up” vibe the whole house had. People stood in little groups, talking about politics, the economy, and whether or not it was a good time to refinance their home.
Howie almost jumped out a window right then and there.
An hour and about sixteen tiny cucumber sandwiches later, I finally got a moment alone with Ben.
You know that feeling you get when there’s about a thousand things you want to say to someone, but you can’t because it would be too awkward?
I wanted to tell him I missed him and thought it was a mistake that I let him go. I wanted to tell him I was happy that he seemed to be in such a good place with Ted. I wanted to ask him about his life and whether or not he liked Raleigh-Durham now that he’s been here for a while.
But, I kept it simple.
A little while later, I was standing in the back yard with Howie, watching the caterers set up a long table for dinner.
He was telling me about a guy inside that he was sure was hitting on him, even though this guy came to the party with his wife.
“I just feel like we would be good for each other,” I told him.
“Of course you would have,” Howie said flatly.
We stood in silence for a few moments.
“Next time I set you up with someone, promise me you won’t send them off to be with someone else?” He then asked.
I promised.
The party continued through dinner and on the way out the door, I gave both Ted and Ben a hug, thanked them for inviting me, and short time later, I was back home in the apartment I’d soon be moving out of.
Sometimes I wish life came with a plan that you could consult, just to let you know what your next course of action should be, and what to expect in the future. Instead, we just wander around and try to make the best of it.
Sounds like a broken system to me.
March 20th, 2008 at 9:15 am
although i understand what you mean about making the best of it, i hope you’re not too down; from what i’ve gotten to know about you through your words, i know plenty of people who would appreciate your sensitivity and wit!